brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sorry about my life...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
