so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
