I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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