the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
