just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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