By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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