i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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