So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
wow bdsm is so cute
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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