peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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