had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
