I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we made out on top of his cat.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I still have a little drunk in my system
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
