everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
