you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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