A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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