Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
