last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
