i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
