none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
