FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
