so that wasnt chicken after all
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
