Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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