9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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