we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
