I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
