It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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