loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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