literally had 100 drinks last night.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
