So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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