Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
