is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
