im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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