i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
