I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
