i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
