it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
