she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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