you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
