a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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