Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
