Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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