I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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