i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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