Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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