It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
