The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The ass gains better be worth it
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