i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
