I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
