i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
