Will you blow on my dice?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
