I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i came on her dog
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
