just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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