it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
