he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No...this little piggys going to the bar
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
