All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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